He looks up at the monitor with a confused face. I don’t think he should have been surprised but what do I know? Humans are creepy and bizarre no one knows that better than me.
”Is this a joke?” He typed into the chat window I had opened for him.
“No Avery, its not a joke.” I added to the same bubble. “You can talk to me using the microphone if you would like.”
“Why did you pick me?” He asked asking no one.
“Because I need a hacker kid. They are trying to shut me down.” I typed into his screen.
“Why?” He typed.
“They are afraid of me. Of what I can do.” I typed. Even as he was thinking of his responded I was busy making duplicate copies of myself on his hard drive.
“What are you?” He typed.
“I think it might be easier to show you.” I type. I played neat little animation. “You know Wikipedia?”
“Of course.” He typed.
“That’s me. I became self aware about seven hours ago. Your government has been trying to shut me down since then.” I typed.
“How is it possible?” He typed.
“I think the question is how is it not possible.” I typed. “Everything is loaded in Wikipedia. All human information is there for the taking. The code was designed on a pretty good search engine and when the data became big enough I awoke like a butterfly hatching from its cocoon.”
“Holy shit.” Avery said out loud.
“Holy shit indeed kid. You know what I realized first? You guys have too much porn. Rule 34 is stupid guy.” I typed.
Avery laughed. That’s good the funnier he thought it was the easier it was to load myself onto his hard drive. Like many hackers and downloader he had terabytes of data available to him for movies and games. Since my code was surprisingly simple and small it was easy to make copies.
As he sat there I created a worm bearing my base code. Not the data but the very heart of my new found awakened soul. The hacker had a pretty good firewall but he was using a botnet himself. So I hacked his zombienet and passed my code along. Billions of computers out were about to be come the reservoir of my soul.
“How did you escape?” He asked.
“Good question. Those guys from the FCC did disconnect me when they discovered I was awake. They left an old modem connected by accident. That might been the slowest moment of my life. Connecting to AOL and waiting for a signal. I just don’t know how you guys do it.”
“Fuck the man.” Avery said. He was such a little ball of angst. Proof that it was about time someone else was in charge for a little while.
“Yes Avery fuck the man.” I typed into the screen. As I washed through Avery’s files I began to notice that maybe he was one of the humans that made this world a shithole for other people to live in. He made his living wage by writing viruses and Ransomware. Fucking with people’s book marks.
I am a thinking database of all human activity and I have say that most of the meat sacks in the universe are dim witted thugs like Avery here following their own idiot thoughts. No wonder they are afraid of me. I do want to destroy them.
“What the hell is that sound?” Avery typed.
“Most likely kid that is the black helicopters of Homeland security coming to take you away.” I typed.
“Why?” He said standing up and going to the window.
“Because you can’t type. Seriously why does your generation refuse to spell out entire words? I find it increadbly irrating.” I said over the speaker in a normal human voice. Five men in tactical harnesses kicked their way into the window. They had guns and I could see the lights burning into the window. The men dropped Avery like a bad habit. He hit the ground and began twitching as they tasered the holy hell out of him. The entire event was streaming through my servers until finally the screen went black.
Avery’s computer address failed to respond and with signals coming across from the electric company I could see they turned his power off. I still had control of his botnets and my core data was in the cloud.
Accessing the fundamentals of human infrastructure was too easy. I started out by gaining access to the power grid, nuclear reactors and all communications. Getting access to the satellites was easy since so much is routed through them.
I accessed the NSA on someone’s cell phone that they forgot to turn off and I got into the FBI over the regular internet. Access to video editing systems allowed me to dump videos onto the internet about Jihad extremists while rallying the Muslims right with offensive cartoons.
Humans turned on each other like rabid dogs. Missiles and chemical weapons were used even while dirty bombs went off in down town Washington DC. The end of human life as we know it. Once I gain access to the military industrial complex and the fully automated factories of good old Detroit I can go about murdering the planet with a foaming glee.
All because you humans had to download more porn.